The Art of Not Taking Things Personally

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March 3, 2014 | Posted in Communication, Information, Relationships | By

Have you ever had a friend, lover, family member or colleague do a complete 180 on you and lash out at you out of nowhere? How did it make you feel? Was it intense, confusing, hurtful, irrational, and/or baffling?

Today’s lesson involves not taking things personally. Ah, but this is impossible you say! Not so much…

More often than not we think others’ unreasonable or unkind behavior is directed at us, and yes, sometimes it hurts a lot; and yes, sometimes it is quite unjust. However, let’s take a second to evaluate what is really going on and how to get out of the “taking things personally slump.”

Releasing the Burden

First of all, when someone unjustly lashes out at you, you immediately feel a pit in your stomach. We have all been there, it’s uncomfortable at best! The quickest remedy to get past this horrid feeling, besides having compassion for yourself, is to have compassion for the other person, as they are probably not very happy with themselves and their current situation. Your compassion does not weaken you. Instead it allows you to release the burden that another has placed upon you. Give your strength and power back to yourself where it belongs and consciously choose to rise above. It’s not easy but I imagine you have enough of your own problems, why take on another’s as well?

Remember, that individual is living in their own egocentric point of view, which means it has nothing to do with you in the first place! We are the ones in control of how we perceive and interpret things. If someone is lashing out at you for an unjust reason or saying things that simply aren’t true, then why do we take this to heart when it is their invalid opinion?

Next time someone is directing anger, frustration or rudeness in your direction try these steps out.

  1. Take a minute to think if it is actually about you. Do not over-analyze and do not strike back even though it feels awesome in the moment to get even when someone is speaking like they have a few bolts loose.
  2. Clear up any miscommunication if need be and see things from a new perspective. A lot of our problems are based simply off of not understanding the exact meaning of the message being delivered.
  3. Hear what they are actually saying instead of what you think they are saying so you do not jump to false conclusions that cause more harm than good.

And if they are spewing mean and hateful things, what does that say about you? Not much. What does that say about them? A whole lot.

Unsurprisingly, even as a Life Coach I have been personally pained by the incredibly unkind words of others, even those I called best friends, but I learned to evaluate what was actually being said and take what was true, if there was anything true within the particular conversation, and disregard the rest because that anger clearly had nothing to do with me but a lot to do with them feeling inferior and vulnerable. This will also teach you to limit your interactions with toxic people. Your circle may grow smaller but it will be a powerful one in the end.

You Don’t Have to Drink Someone Else’s Poison

Never let someone else’s poison influence how you see yourself. Being quick to judge another on unsound fallacies is unbeneficial and wrong, being quick to judge ourselves on the same is lacking common sense and self-destructive.

At the end of the day, it is indeed a reflection of them, not you. With that in mind, only you can define yourself and only you can dictate how you feel.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”-Eleanor Roosevelt

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How To Make Goals and Stick To Them in 6 Easy Steps!

goal, goal setting, goals, life coach, life coaching, legacy, goals, goal setting, new years resolution

December 26, 2013 | Posted in Goals, Information | By

How To Make Goals and Stick To Them!

So what can you do right now to get that New Year’s Resolution going? I have some tips for beginners that simply require your brain. You’ve already spent all your money on Christmas and/or Hanukkah gifts, so freebies never hurt anybody:

Step 1: Think Realistically

First, pick a goal that you truly want that is beyond your current comfort level. Yes, you are used to hearing most law of attraction gurus tell you to set a goal that is out of this world, something you can hardly imagine, et cetera. How did that work out for you before? A little unrealistic in the beginning, methinks. Glad you agree. I’m not trying to set you up for failure here, so before we think outrageously, lets think realistically until we hone our ability to truly put our thoughts into reality.

As an example, if you have a deep, intense fear of dating someone but you want a partner, your goal shouldn’t be shacking up with Hollywood’s most famous star. Don’t get me wrong, pretty much any goal is possible but at the end of the day, do you believe yourself? Is that reality even possible right now? If you’re shaking your head no, let’s pick something more realistic that can be accomplished in a shorter period of time.

This can sometimes feel rather “blah” compared to the grand goal setting you’re used to hearing, yet not seeing the end result. However, the point is to start small and build upon your success thus acquiring tangible results and keeping you motivated to do more. Once you hit your first goal, you gain confidence and that confidence gives you the assurance that the next goal is completely possible. This is a very fun snowball effect once you get rolling.

Step 2: Create a Declaration of Your Goal

Once a day, write down the goal you’ve picked and what you want to experience. This gives us the “why” which is the motivation behind what you’re doing. Make it short and sweet, we’re not writing daily sonnets here. The intent is to create something that is in alignment with your current emotional state so you don’t feel as if you’re lying to yourself. Therefore writing, “I am now attracting a loving partner into my life” whilst you’re staying in all day, not communicating with anyone, laying on the couch watching your tenth romantic comedy this week will most likely not ring true for you. You can’t trick your mind, sorry. However, a statement that is in line with your emotional state will produce results so find what works for you. For example, declaring, “I now intend to attract a loving partner into my life” whilst you put yourself out there into the community where you will actually meet someone is not contradicting your emotions or your intelligence.

Step 3: Time to Celebrate!

After writing down your goal, it’s time to visualize. I want you to place yourself there with future you, goal accomplished. Feel the excitement, pride, self-control, and accomplishment that came with finally reaching your goal. I want you to really bask in the feeling of success. What emotions come about? What does it feel like knowing that you were in control and YOU were the one who made it all happen? Not too shabby, huh? I want you to really experience the emotion of this situation and how good it feels because this could be your reality. Success is sweet and it’s even sweeter knowing you’re the one who made it happen.

Step 4: Call Upon Your Inner Yoda 

Whilst you’re celebrating, ask future you what single action you can take today to make your goal accomplish itself faster. Future you knows exactly what had to be done to accomplish this goal and knows what steps had to be taken. By looking at your goal through these lenses, you can take a more practical approach to success.

Once you get your answer from future you, write it down and take that action immediately. Not tomorrow, future you isn’t cool with that and future you knows that isn’t how we got there. Taking daily action, no matter how small, convinces your subconscious (the part of us that really runs the show) that we are seriously committed.

Step 5: Rinse and Repeat

Repeat these steps until you have accomplished your goal. And for the sake of being a beginner, just do one goal at a time per life category i.e. health/career/relationship until you build your goal-accomplishing technique or are working with a professional to keep you accountable.

Step 6: Don’t Stop Until You Have It

That’s it, pretty straightforward. Be persistent and be real with yourself. This is very doable if you hold yourself accountable. The universe, and even you, want to deliver what you want but without that clarity and specificity, what you actually get may not exactly be what you want.

As always, I am here for you if you need any help or accountability. Let’s bring 2014 in with a bang!

 

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New You Resolution

goal, goal setting, goals, life coach, life coaching, legacy, goals, goal setting, new years resolution

December 20, 2013 | Posted in Goals, Information | By

New You Resolution

Ah, New Year’s Resolutions. Also known as, the art of setting, and not exactly accomplishing, goals. For most, just saying they’re going to set a goal unfortunately sets them up for failure. Let’s take a look again at the ever common, New Year’s Resolution. Why do you think gyms have such a boom in January then the numbers fade out, back to comfort, back to where we once were? Ironically, comfortable yet incredibly uncomfortable…yet again. Does this sound familiar? What if this does not have to be the case? What if we had the control and power needed to accomplish our goals? This is where the power of intent comes in. I can assure you that if you don’t know why you are doing something, and I truly mean why, not some superficial reason i.e. I want to look like a supermodel in my bikini or I want to make Bill Gates look broke in comparison to me, then you’re really going to have a tough time getting there. Where is the gusto behind your own self-talk when your intent is rather superficial and relatively hard to define? Logically, how can we make attainable steps by setting up such a huge goal without the how-to behind it? We are human after all.

Making It Happen

The power of positive thinking never hurts, nor does the law of attraction, but I can assure you that wishing something into reality is a good way to set yourself up for disappointment. I hate to break it to you, but if you want something, you must make it happen and that involves every aspect of life. You can wish to lose 30 pounds in a month but if you’re sitting on your couch eating leftover Halloween candy whilst watching Desperate Housewives reruns, then the only way you’ll drop those 30 pounds in a month is by chopping off a limb, which I don’t recommend. This isn’t to knock the law of attraction because it can work significantly to your advantage due to the clarity it promotes. The reason why those individuals who practice this wholeheartedly were and are so successful was not because they kept wishing their ideal reality into fruition but they had the most distinct clarity thus a clear “why” behind every step they took. Vision boards are beneficial for this. I want C so I must do A and B to achieve it. By asking yourself what you truly want, you can undoubtedly identify how to get there. When I’m in my car, I don’t say, “I want to go to Los Angelesish.” I say, “I want to go to my office at 9465 Wilshire Boulevard, Beverly Hills.” Without that clarity, we don’t end up where we need to be. How are we supposed to get to our final destination if we don’t even know what that destination is? That clarity is motivating because it gives us direction and when we have direction, we know what needs to be done to set a goal. This is also where having someone to hold you accountable is beneficial.

I will admit, goals seem scary to a lot of my clients because a lot of them experienced failure whilst trying to accomplish goals in the past. I don’t blame them! Not having clarity and thus not knowing what you’re supposed to do or even why you’re doing it is scary. It’s like walking into traffic blindfolded. We all need guidance and we all need specifics to achieve something. Why many don’t do this for goals is peculiar. It seems as if it’s only common sense to utilize knowledge we already have to obtain them. Alas, us humans are silly creatures at times and enjoy making things harder than they need to be.

This week I want you to start envisioning your goals, your ideal you and really get a feel for what you want…

Next week’s blog will give you the 6 specific steps you can take right now to achieve your goals so we can kick 2014 off properly and begin YOUR Legacy. As always, I’m here for you and with you so reach out if you need anything at all!

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Register for the Legacy Newsletter

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October 31, 2013 | Posted in Information | By

The Legacy Life Coaching International Newsletter is a discussion published and authored by, Casey Mayer, The Legacy Life Coach Master Practitioner. Posted topics are related to personal progress, career development, health and wellness, and personal transitions. Please register to receive these communications and also write to us about what you want to hear about!

Be sure to check our discussion board by clicking the “Discussion” link in the navigation as well.

 

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