What’s worse: being alone or being in a relationship that makes you feel alone? Intimate relationships happen to be the most common thing out there, but to many, they also happen to be the most confusing as well.
Let’s stop for a second and ask ourselves why we truly want to be in a relationship.
- Is it to feel wanted, perfect in the eyes of another, never alone or never lonely?
- Or perhaps you want someone to support you financially/emotionally and make you feel whole?
This is where we begin to walk on thin ice in regards to relationships because our happiness, our wholeness, and what makes you “you” begin to dwindle. What we are essentially saying is, I need to find someone who will love me instead of me having to love myself. We are releasing the control of being the ones in charge of our own self-worth and relying on another to fulfill this very important task for us. Therefore, what we want and our happiness is no longer internal but it is now external and thus can be snatched away within a moment’s notice once someone decides they are done with you or the relationship.
Alas, relationships are wonderful things and do not think I am shunning them and promoting you to be a spinster/solely make out with yourself in a mirror until the day you die. There are certainly relationships that you can attract that are healthy and also ones that are not so healthy simply because you weren’t ready to be in them! The old saying, “You must love yourself before you can love another” is so incredibly accurate. How are we supposed to know what we want or attract someone who could be a valuable partner in our lives if we cannot even love and respect ourselves wholly?
How To Attract a Healthy Relationship
We all have baggage, and that is okay and completely normal. Healthy relationships offer a safe playing field to confront some of this baggage, bring it to the surface, and release it if it’s no longer serving you. The wonderful thing about self-work is that when you learn to love yourself and make yourself feel whole, you’re ready to find a partner whom you can share your love with instead of take love from. You become lonely when the supplier of the love you would consistently take leaves you, so why not share on mutual grounds and shift from dependent to interdependent?
If you ask me how it is even possible to feel complete unless you have a relationship, then I will ask you how possible it is for you or your counterpart to remain motivated to continuously give when there is no receiving as well. It seems great at first having a lustful neediness for someone but eventually the glamour wears thin when this vulnerability shows an inability to love and respect oneself. When two individuals are trying to take from one another constantly, the end result is disappointment and the feeling that you’re in the wrong relationship.
Sharing, Not Taking, Love
One of the most beautiful experiences we can have on this earth is finding a mutually loving relationship where we can share love, not take love. However, we cannot accomplish this if we do not love ourselves first because then there is no sharing, only taking, and we only have so much to give before we feel empty ourselves.
Good news is when two people who have a plethora of self-love come together in order to form an alliance and grow as individuals and share their love and life together, they have a great chance of a long-lasting relationship. When asked why they want a partner, these individuals tend to reply with, “I have a lot of love to give and I want to share it with someone who has a lot of love to give as well.” Or, “I want to learn and grow with someone who also wants to do the same. “
Back to you, if you honestly ask yourself why you want a relationship and your answers are mirroring the first reasons in the beginning of this article rather than the ones just mentioned, do not fret, darling! You can learn to love yourself and feel as if you are filled with enough love to pass around, but it does take work and it does take you having to be honest with yourself. You must want a healthy relationship as like attracts like. This is where a Life Coach comes in handy to get you on the self-love track.
If you have a loving and healthy relationship with yourself, your chances of finding a partner who wants to have a loving and healthy relationship with you skyrocket. You are the mirror for how people treat you so start with yourself and show others what you deserve!